Value-Based Priorities

An article by Pat Barone, CPCC, MCC, Catalyst Coaching, LLC

In my work, I'm lucky enough to see my clients stepping up into their lives every day. They take responsibility. They find the power to make huge changes and transform their lives and their bodies. They live more rewarding and connected lives.

One of the first things coaching does is examine and establish your values. What is truly important to you at a deep soul level? Then, you can set your goals and priorities in life based on these values, not on what life happens to present to you, not on what your boss thinks you should be doing, not on what you've always done in the past.

Most therapists, counselors and goal-oriented professionals agree that a person can only concentrate on 3 key areas of their lives at one time. If you are focusing on family, career and environment (renovating or updating a home for instance), there's not a lot of time left for attention to your personal health and fitness.

Priorities shift at various times throughout your life. You also have the power to shift them any time you are ready for change. For instance, if your career is running well and you are productive at your job, you may choose to make health and fitness one of your top three priorities and designate career to a "minor" position. Priorities in minor positions get enough time to maintain them at present level but aren't being boosted to higher achievement at the moment.

It's always better to mindfully make the switch to new priorities rather than have them forced on you! See your weight creeping up as a call to action rather than have a doctor tell you "You need to lose weight or... [fill in the blank with something scary]."

Part of this dilemma centers on assessment. What are your priorities? Pick six and divide them into two groups: the three that currently demand most of your time and attention and the next three (minor) ones.

Then, there's the question of honesty. Of the three priorities you spend the most time pursuing, which ones are truly yours (and which ones are your mother's, father's, spouse's)? Are you giving the time and attention necessary for change and growth in the areas that are most important to you? For instance, is your health a top priority but you let it get squeezed out of the top three by family, socialization and career?

Coaching, being an organic process that addresses the entire person, has a way of sorting these dilemmas out in a natural fashion. I see it over and over in my practice. For instance, a client came to me and described her priorities based on what she truly valued in life: family, career and health/fitness.

She firmly felt that she had to get her weight in line before anything positive could happen to her in either of the other areas. She was a single mother who did not feel comfortable dating so she had decided there was no hope of meeting someone to share her life with romantically at this time. In her career, she felt she held the ultimate job even though she was quite miserable there. She "knew" there wasn't a better job on earth and felt she'd be there the rest of her life, even though her salary was barely enough to support her and her small child. (Her job afforded her a lot of public attention and prestige but the salary was small, even though her boss constantly reminded her how much she was "going above and beyond in the salary department for her.")

As a sign of her commitment to herself, she often worked an extra job to pay for her coaching fees. As her coach, I knew that her willingness to do this was a sign of true and deep commitment and I had no doubt she would be successful.

Her commitment to her weight issue seemed to come and go but, despite that, she never gave up working on it in her coaching sessions.

After four months of coaching, she renewed her relationship with the father of her child. This happened out of the blue when they began talking one day when he picked up their child for a visit. Their communication was suddenly different, she said, and over several months, they were able to address the issues that had severed their relationship from a totally new perspective. They decided to marry.

She continued to address her weight in coaching but would lose a few pounds, then stay there for a while. Over and over, the stress of her job and the unhappiness she felt at work seemed to be at the root of a lot of negative use of food. As her job shifted into the top priority position, she loosened up her tight grip on the "perfect" job, finally admitting how manipulated she felt by her high-powered, famous boss.

After eight months of coaching, she was offered a new job at twice her previous salary, an amount she said she never dreamed she would earn.

This is an example of how true priorities come up in coaching and how, when they are brought into consciousness, they can be addressed and resolved. In retrospect, although she believed her priorities should be addressed (1) weight; (2) family/significant other; and (3) job, the issues presented themselves and were solved in order of their true value to her: (1) family/significant other; (2) career, then (3) weight/health.

She now sees her weight differently in terms of priorities. Where she once felt she had to be a certain weight before any other goals could be pursued, she sees that being in a steady, loving relationship and liking her job are now making it easier for her to eat well and take care of herself. She looks at the process of losing weight from a completely different perspective now.

Align your values and priorities and take a tremendous step towards success in your life today.

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Coaching is a partnership focused on your success. Visit www.patbarone.com to learn more about Pat Barone and to sign up for her free newsletter, The Catalyst.