Shifting Toward Happiness

An Article by Sharon Barbour, MPH, ACC

How many times this week have you felt stressed-out? It seems we spend more and more time with stress and commit little to nourish ourselves and simply enjoy “this one wild and precious life” (to quote poet Mary Oliver). And I’m curious…if you were able to experience stress LESS often, what would you like to experience MORE often? Go ahead, at the end of this paragraph, stop reading, take a conscious breath, (breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth, allowing the out breath to be a tad longer than usual), drop your chin toward your chest and ask yourself: “What do I want to experience more often in my life?” Pause and listen.

What arose for you? Maybe nothing did - for now. Maybe a word or sensation arose such as peace, satisfaction, joy, happiness, love, relaxation or laughter. If it did, let yourself know that you can have more of that. It is possible. Here are several shifts in focus that may usher in better feelings along with new results and new creations:

Shift from what you don’t want to what you do want.
Shift from what is not working to what IS working AND build on it.
Shift from your noggin to your knowing and welcome the wisdom of your heart and bodymind.

The ultimate reason for making these shifts is to BE GOOD TO SELF and to enjoy life more. That’s right. Whether you notice an old habit and shift into a new way of being OR NOT, I invite you to consider being gentle and kind with your self. At the center of coaching and the core of any positive change is an honoring of your self – your heart’s desires, your true voice, your core values, needs and passions.

Shift Your Focus to What You DO Want
This is a subtle yet powerful shift in many situations. Most of us know a lot more about what we don’t want than what we do want. Take a moment and imagine, even embody what you experience when your focus and thoughts are all about what you don’t want. Bring to mind a mildly to moderately challenging relationship or circumstance in your life. Allow yourself to start thinking of all the “don’t wants” that exist there for you. Now, before you get too far on that thought train to destination Frustration or Resignation, STOP. Just notice...What are you experiencing in the “don’t want” mindset? What thoughts, ideas, body sensations are available there? What results do you get when you are in that place of resistance? Now take a breath, even move your body around a bit to release that energetic pattern. And ask yourself, “What DO I want in this relationship or in this situation? What is most important to me here? What is the opportunity?”

What do you notice? What is it like to shift from what you don’t want to what you do want? You only have the choices available to you that your mood or emotion allows.

When people choose to get off the “don’t want” train and raise their awareness of what they truly want and what is important to them, clarity and even inspiration often show up. In my life recently, I had an argument with my husband and I huffed away and retreated to my home office. I sat and fretted until I noticed how bad this felt and then remembered to take a breath and ask myself what I really want. “Connection. More fun.” immediately surfaced, along with a more settled and relaxed feeling. Asking myself, “Okay, then, what am I willing to do to head toward those things?” my younger self dug in her heals and my wiser self knew instantly that I would go reconnect with my husband. “And how do you want to BE as you do that?” asked my wise self and I replied “with honesty and lightness, from my heart.”

There is a sense of clarity and personal power in knowing what you want. It’s like taking the wheel and heading where you feel good about going. Knowing what you want begins the process of change and creation. It changes your focus. And what you focus on expands. You move toward what you want, you take a step. And when you take even the smallest step, then your traveling buddies Hope, Momentum and Inspiration show up to help you see the next step and enjoy the journey.

Try it on if you like! Here are a few ideas:

Practice noticing when you are in “don’t want” mode. Perhaps you’ll notice thoughts, body sensations (like constriction), and/or a mood or emotion (often anxiety or frustration or resignation). Breathe and sink into your heart and body and ask yourself –what do I really want here? How can I step toward that? Is there an opportunity here for doing or BEING differently? OR What would make this easier? How can I most honor myself here?
Practice knowing what you want and noticing what you are drawn to. Start with the small stuff, like what you want for dinner or just noticing what music or art you truly enjoy.
Journal about your heart’s desires. Listen to your heart; allow your authentic voice to surface.

There is no duty we so underrate as the duty of being happy.
By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world.

Robert Louis Stevenson

Note: This article has been abbreviated to fit the space available. In this version, I name three shifts and then explore only one of them. If you’d like to read about the other two shifts, send an email to namastecoaching@tds.net and I’ll happily send you the full article.